"That's very low maintenance of you. Uh, a thing to know about psychological backlash, it's often a little flexible, not like you can think around it but you can think the same total amount of it into slightly different shapes, did you already know that?"

"No, I didn't."

"I have a post about it, it's one of the first ones I wrote after awakening, I've got three flavors and only one of them risks me wanting to kill myself so I have to really stay on top of that."

"I didn't get a chance to read a lot of your posts yet.  Barely any of them, really."

"Well, I guess it's both more relevant to your life now and not competing with anything else you'd otherwise been doing, but you can do whatever, obviously."

"I thought about reading some last night, actually, but I was having the phone-unlocking problem then already.  My laptop too.  So I had to go with a physical book."

"I have some of those if you like classic literature. I have the taste of a literature professor."

"Yeah!  Or if there's a spare device or if you have printed copies, I can read your blog."  Does he even really want to read alleged nonfiction?  It's kind of like dreams where he does homework; when he wakes up the homework isn't actually done and he hasn't actually learned anything.  Ehn, probably they're at least mostly copying things from the real world.  And it probably doesn't matter anyway because it's not like they're going to let him back into the real world anyway.

"Cool. I can't read a book when I'm backlashed, that's a bit of mercy."

"I guess I haven't tried it yet.  Extensively."

They reach his house. "Here's the place. I'm not sure how long Cricket'll take to get home. My mother Ren also lives here but she's out most of most days, she's actually as extroverted as I pretend to be on backlash."

....The real Traceless - Haru?  No, Julien doesn't know whether the name matches - the real Traceless said something very similar to that.  With a key difference, if Julien recalls correctly.

"'Pretend'?  How do you mean?"

"It makes me lonely. It doesn't make socializing - actually any more rewarding? Actually, uh, psychologically nourishing? It's like drinking diet soda when I'm hungry, there's nothing there but I can't stop and trying wouldn't actually help anything either so I don't. I can and do plan who I talk to about what so that anything I in fact value can come of it, but I still need the same amount of alone time to not have my brain full of bees that I would without the backlash. The reason I asked Paula for a vacation day after you're done awakening is so I can catch up on that after not being alone for much of this coming week."

.......Hm.

Hm.

He's not really sure what to make of that, with regards to himself.  Maybe it really is just verisimilitude; maybe Traceless would also say approximately this.

"- Sense!  Where are your cups and also snacks?"

"Cups over here! Snacks are in the pantry over there -" Is Julien going to react in any particular way if Haru pulls his hand away very slightly, ready to let him keep it instead -

Julien's body jerks a little, but he doesn't chase after Haru's hand.  And in fact.  He will go.  For the glasses cupboard.

Haru keeps an eye on him but takes the requisite steps to the pantry. "We can microwave some popcorn, there's those fruit cup things, there's... seaweed snacks, huh... saltines, mixed nuts, Oreos?"

Water water water water he loves youuuu water.  A reasonable and sane amount ooooof water.  "Nuts and Oreos are I think the densest of those?

"Yeah." He pulls them out and puts them on the counter and gets back in handholding range.

Nope, two hands to put Oreos and nuts and water in his face while he has the excuse - and the competing urge for relief - to do so.  It's obvious that the simulation really is doing something that varies based on touch, and not actual drugs, so he'll take the chance to get some of his mental sharpness back while it's here.

Huh, okay, his call. At least in the direction Haru can feel, they're not compatible at a distance, but he's hardly going to insist that guiding is more important than food and water.

Eventually Julien swallows and does not immediately fill the empty space in his mouth with more food.  "You don't have to stay with me all week if you don't want.  If you want to sneak in some alone time at a few points."

"I will probably do that since you seem robust to at least brief periods of being unguided, yeah."

Yessssss okay that established what if there was handholding again.  ...He's at the point where normally he would want to switch to meal-making, but like, this is all fake.  What does it matter, really, if he just eats two-thirds of a box of oreos by himself.  - No, no, then they'll know he knows it's fake.  But they already do!  They already do, and are being nice to him for mysterious reasons, and - he shouldn't push it.

"What do you have in the way of actual food?"